Dove in the Rock

One of the books I have been reading of late is C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves, a work which I consider to be one of his most difficult to read. I usually describe it as the literary equivalent of beef jerky (no offense intended, Mr. Lewis), as it is all the content and meaning and flavor of a steak distilled and condensed into a small bite. If the book were to be written today, it would probably be three or four times as long, simply because men no longer know how to write text that is both meaningful and concise.

That aside, the chapter I always return to is the one on friendship. He describes this as the type of love that is the leat natural, and therefore possibly the most sanctified. After all, if it were not for Eros (sexual or carnal love), there would be no need for affection (the love of mother for her child). If it were not for either of these, the charity (love for humanity) would not be needed, as there would be no “herd” to look after. Friendship has “the least commerce with our nerves; nothing that quickens the pulse or turns you red and pale.” It is for that reason that we, as a society, are most uncomfortable with pure, simple friendship between men. Look at the news; any two or three men that share exclusive company with each other are immediately assumed to be at least suspect and at worst closeted homosexuals, regardless of any other evidence. In America, men have rules for everything in life; we are nearly pharisaical in our adherence of guidelines and rules so that no one ever questions how straight we are. I went through college as a soft-spoken English major with a lisp and an uncommon relational ability with women. Yeah, people made comments about me, but I was very secure in my male-ness, mostly because I had some good strong male friendships that shaped a lot of my world view.

The title of this post is from Tennyson’s In Memoriam, in which the poet recounts the multi-year crisis of faith that followed the death of his dear friend. He describes his friend in high terms, in a manner that shows admiration nearing hero-worship. He wanted to see the same truth as his friend, to have been able to come through the crisis of faith a stonger man with a more whole and pure understanding of God. If this were to be written today, everyone would suspect that these men were gay. The truth is that these men were bound by their sameness in the vision of truth that they shared. Friends, as Mr. Lewis says, are not focused on the relationship itself, but rather on the truth that they share. I, for one, would love to have a male friend about whom I could write such words as these:

You say, but with no touch of scorns
Sweet-hearted, you, whose light-blue eyes
Are tender over drowning flies,
You tell me, doubt is Devil-born.

I know not: one indeed I knew
In many a subtle question versed,
Who touch’d a jarring lyre at first,
But ever strove to make it true;

Perplext in faith, but pure in deeds,
At last he beat his music out.
There lives more faith in honest doubt,
Believe me, than in half the creeds.

He fought his doubts and gather’d strength,
He would not make his judgment blind,
He faced the spectres of the mind
And laid them; thus he came at length

To find a stronger faith his own,
And Power was with him in the night,
Which makes the darkness and the light,
And dwells not in the light alone,

But in the darkness and the cloud,
As over Sinai’s peaks of old,
While Israel made their gods of gold
Altho’ the trumpet blew so loud.

While the rest of the world is mobbing together, everyone agreeing with whomever is the most popular at the moment, a true friend can pick out the truth, like a distant horn on a mountain. A true friend can take a thought that is as ugly an unrefined as a musical instrument that is grossly out of tune and refine and correct it a thousand times till it plays true.

Men nowadays look for friends that are fun to hang out with or that live out the irresponsibility that we might wish that we could pursue. The fact is (and has always been) that good people make good friends.

Posted on April 28th, 2007 by Dad
Filed under: Learning