Here’s the passage that’s given me the most trouble in guiding my behavior toward my mom.
“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” Matthew 18:15-17
My mom has hardened her heart. For her entire Christian life, minus the last year, she has believed that divorce is wrong. But a year ago, she divorced my dad, because she decided that God would rather have her be happy, and “divorce isn’t really a sin anyway, it’s all about how you interpret the Bible!” Within six months she’d found and married a new, “more godly” man (his fourth marriage, but who’s counting?). In this time, I gently and kindly confronted her with scripture and love, then went to her with her best friend and her sister, then with an elder and his wife from our church. She repeatedly blew all of us off. Finally, she baldly told me she wanted her new man more than she wanted her relationship with me and my family. To this I responded with intense sadness that our relationship would have to change as a result of her choices.
Now, six months after this admission of priorities, she’s trying to woo me. I say “woo” because that’s what it feels like. She’s constantly calling, emailing, instant messaging. Calling me Dear or Sweetie or Honey. Asking how we’re doing, if I want to get together, can she pray for me, how about she come watch the kids so E and I can have a date. Emailing me little Christian anecdotes or devotionals. Treating me the way we’ve always related, up to a year or so ago.
I know she thinks that enough time has passed for me to have “cooled off” and “grown accustomed” to her being remarried. But this is not something time alone will heal. I am faced with having to define our relationship to her, which means I must finally commit myself to some firm guidelines of what it looks like to “let [her] be to [me] as a Gentile or a tax collector.”
Posted on September 28th, 2007 by Dove
Filed under: Learning, Rants
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