Some dear friends of ours recently became foster parents. They’d been wanting children for several years and recently found that they would be unable to conceive. So she called me and we had many long talks about foster parenting and adopting. Two months ago they had a sweet infant boy placed with them, and their joy overflowed. His mother was planning to relinquish her rights, and all looked like it would be a smooth road to adoption.
A few weeks ago his mother reconsidered, and my friends were crestfallen. Here was a chance that this boy, whom they already considered their son, might not be able to stay with them. His mother was going to try to work her rehabilitation plan, and no one knew whether or not she would succeed and be reunited with her son.
I got an email from my friend yesterday. “TERRIFIC news!” she cried delightedly to the one hundred family and friends on the email list, “His mother relinquished her rights! We will be able to adopt him soon!” I responded with hearty congratulations, and I thanked God that this sweet little boy would have such wonderful folks for his parents.
As I went to sleep that night, I prayed fervently for this little boy’s mother. I know nothing about her, except that she likely lives in our county and that she had signed away her parental rights that day. From the circumstances I gather that it was not an easy decision for her, but a heart-rending, soul-searching, miserably agonizing decision. Foster adoptions are almost all closed adoptions. She would likely never see her son again.
I find it interesting the God uses the analogy of a woman never forgetting her children to explain his never forgetting us. He says through Isaiah, “Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb?” The way this question is asked implies the answer, “Of course not!” He continues, “Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.” God’s remembrance of his children is infallible, but a mother’s memory of her child is probably as near to perfect as is possible on this earth. I’ve never met a woman who’s lost a child (to abortion, miscarriage, adoption, accident, disease, etc) who cannot tell you how old their child would be today. This boy’s mother will silently mark his birthday each year and revisit her decision to relinquish, wondering if it was right.
As E likes to say, adoption is always plan B, at best it is a “good save” of a non-ideal circumstance. In a perfect world (Plan A), this mother would be 100% capable of parenting her son well and he would never have been removed from her. My friends would not have been infertile. Children would never be orphaned. No one would ever have sinned and we’d all be God’s children without the need for adoption into his family. Adoption is a concept created by God to bring us into his family through Jesus. It is God’s plan for the non-ideal circumstance of sin. It necessarily includes elements of sorrow and joy: sorrow for what should be but isn’t, and joy for what now is.
So even as I rejoice with my friends who rejoice, I weep for the woman who weeps. I just wish I could hug her.
Posted on October 5th, 2007 by Dove
Filed under: Fostering/Adoption, Learning
Ah, so true. I totally agree and feel the same way about the birth mother.
Oh, and congratulations to your friends!!