I am in such a strange phase of my life. A paradoxical juxtaposition, I would label it “Hospice Preschool.” My days are filled with appeasing picky appetites, wiping bottoms, cleaning spills, and dressing bodies. On the one hand, I am training and teaching my children and I look ahead to their futures many years hence, and on the other hand I am hyperfocused on making this very present moment as comfortable as possible for my dad, whose todays are indefinitely numbered. Within my bosom I feel the tension, the taut tug of wanting to spend my time waiting on my dad’s every whim, and still needing to break up squabbles, kiss boo-boos, read stories and brush hair. Life and death are brothers in this world, daily active as they live side-by-side in my home. Four little ones on the upswing, a gray one on the return, and two suspended at the zenith, the gears of their frenetically-spinning hamster wheels powering the lives of the other five.
The daily soundtrack to my much-interrupted inner monologue is this praise and worship song, whose words remind that life and death are both in God’s palm.
Blessed Be Your Name In the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow Blessed be Your name Blessed Be Your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed Be Your name Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name Blessed be Your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be' Blessed be Your name Blessed be Your name On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be Your name Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name You give and take away You give and take away My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name
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