Dove in the Rock

My many houseguests are gone and E has returned to work. This Monday morning I am at a loss. Some elements of the routine are the same. Wake, shower, dress, make coffee. Never forget the coffee. But I trail off at the coffee… I make mine and E’s but I don’t need to go make a cup for Dad. Now I need a reminder as to what comes next. I’ve only lost one member of my household, there are still six of us here, I guess we still need… um, dinner? Yes, dinner. I will need to make dinner today, what should I make? Pasta? No, pasta doesn’t taste right to Dad anymore… oh yeah, well, I guess we could have pasta after all. What else do we still need? Laundry started, yes, let me see if I need to throw in anything of Dad’s… well, no. I’ve fed the kids breakfast and now let me get started on making an egg for…. um, Dad. Never mind, then.

Recreating my daily routine from scratch is hard. Nothing is automatic, flowing from one task to the next. It all feels erratic, as I realize with frequent jolts what tasks no longer need doing.